Saturday, January 23, 2021

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Cuy Eating Contest??

In Ecuador, cuy is as germane to everyday cuisine as pizza or hot dogs are here in America. Home cooks can purchase live cuys at market and there are an untold number of cuy-based dishes available at restaurants of every scale.

For this reason, and as a tribute to his beloved Ecuadorian National Soccer Team, Eater X created a Cuy pizza at his pizza restaurant in New York City’s East Village.

“I have a very deep love for Ecuador, its sports, its cuisine,” said Eater X at the time. “This pizza is attracting diners and making them scream: GOALLLLLLLLLL.”

Indeed the pizza raised interest from many of New York’s discriminating and adventurous diners. It also caused many Ecuadorian natives to praise Eater X and his cooking style.

The demand for the pizza, however, was overwhelming and soon the few providers of cuy in New York City were fresh out.

“By the time Ecuador lost to England, I was having trouble finding fresh cuy,” said Eater X. “I tried to substitute North American guinea but it simply didn’t provide the same sweet, smoky taste of what the Andeans call pachamanca.”

According to Eater X, that sweet smoky taste is sorely missed in New York City.

“Just last night I had a gentleman come in and ask for the special pizza and I had to explain we can no longer provide it,” said X. “As a favor I sang a popular Quechuan folk song with him, the lyric being ‘Hey old lady, if you want me to be your son-in-law, open your door and serve me a whole cuy.’”